The New Me
by Charlie Shephard
Summary: Just my take on what might happen after 5x11. Spoilers up to 5x11, speculation after that. Oneshot for now.


**A/N: just my take on what might happen in the near future with jack and kate. no spoilers, just speculation. i still think jate is the OTP, but it really was a pathetic attempt to keep the triangle going.**

**Being a jater, last night's episode was one of my least favorite ever. I mean cmon, Darlton...Sawyer broke her heart? It really looked that way when she said 'I've always been with you', and when she cried with joy when jack proposed. You want heartbroken? that would be when jack left her. if you want skate, give us skate. but please, make it believable. don't completely undermine what you've been telling us for a season now. anyway, rant over, its jate...itll work itself out...**

The New Me

It had been hours since Jack had told Kate what he thought of her feelings, or lack of them, for him. She had walked out of the house, out of Miles' watch, livid and hadn't returned yet.

Jack had watched her leave, not once looking back. He felt something well up inside of him, a combination of sadness but righteousness. It had been on his mind since they'd returned and he'd boiled over.

The one person Jack had expected to back up his decision to let Ben die was Kate; he thought she'd support him. That was why he'd thrown her that long glance before declaring his intentions to Sawyer.

But then everything had gone wrong.

"Then he dies." He'd said, and he didn't regret saying it. Ben would grow up to be a killer, and Jack would do whatever he could to stop that.

Kate's expression changed from unreadable to shocked. Sawyer was almost as equally shocked, but hid it quickly as he left the house.

Jack had taken a moment to think about the implications of his actions, then gone up to the kitchen to make them all some lunch. He'd just begun when he heard Kate's voice behind him.

"What are you doing, Jack?" She said angrily. This time though, her voice wasn't asking for his motives, it was questioning his decision, it was outraged.

He'd told her that he didn't want to save Ben- that it would be the second time he'd done it, and the first time he'd done it, he'd done it for Kate. He wouldn't do it again. He had changed; he was a new man.

"Ya know, I don't like the new you. I liked the old you. Who wouldn't just sit around and wait for things to happen." She'd said.

Jack wouldn't lie to himself, Kate's words stung. But then he told her what he'd come to believe over their last few days on the island.

"You didn't _like_ the old me, Kate." He replied.

He could tell she was taken aback, whether she was stunned he thought that of her, or she was shocked to hear the truth he couldn't tell. She had run out of the house after that, and he hadn't seen her since.

It hurt Jack to tell Kate those things, because he really loved her. He always had, and he always would. But the island had brought him back for a reason- and he was determined to find out why. He didn't have time to juggle his complicated relationship with Kate with his reason for coming back.

If she felt the same way he did about her, then things would work themselves out, after all whatever happened, happened.

Jack's thoughts were interrupted when Sawyer opened the door. He glanced quickly at Jack, but quickly turned his attention to Miles.

"We got Ben to someone who can help him, but we still need to find out who let Sayid out. You have to keep 'em here 'til either me or Horace gives you the say-so." Sawyer informed him.

Jack was confused. "We?" He asked. "Who's we?"

Sawyer ignored him, "You got that?" He said to Miles.

"Yea, but one of them ran off. Kate just left, I couldn't stop her." Miles said.

Just then, Kate stepped past Sawyer through the doorway and entered the house, not stopping until she reached the couch.

"Don't worry 'bout it. She was with me." Sawyer explained, then he turned and left.

Upon hearing Sawyer's words, Jack sighed in defeat. His fears had been confirmed.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Kate said angrily, hearing his sigh. Sensing what was coming, Miles and Hurley took their chess game to another room.

"When you said you didn't like the new me, I didn't think you meant it that much." Jack said defeated.

"What the hell are you talking about, Jack?!" Kate yelled.

"You and Sawyer…missing together for hours. I guess I didn't know how right I was when I said you didn't even _like_ the old me." Jack explained. He could see her hurt expression, although he wasn't really bothered if Kate wanted to hear it or not.

"For your information, Jack. Sawyer and I took Ben to the others. Richard Alpert said he could help him." Kate explained, still yelling.

Upon hearing the mysterious man's name, all hints of jealousy and dejection disappeared. "Richard Alpert, what did he say?" Jack asked.

"He said he could take him to the temple which would heal him, but he would lose his innocence in the process." Kate explained, calming slightly.

"Temple? What temple?" Jack asked confused.

"It sounded like some sacred place the Others have. I don't really know." Kate continued, calmer still.

Jack whispered, "Dad", under his breath and walked to the door.

Kate stood in silence and watched him walk towards the door, twist the handle and turn back towards her.

"I uhh, need some time alone…to think. I'm uhh, sorry I accused you of…doing that. It was wrong." Jack stuttered, before passing through the door outside.

Jack returned to the house hours later, finding all of its occupants asleep. His thinking time hadn't been extremely productive, but he had an idea of what he had to do. What he'd been brought back to do. He walked over to the kitchen and packed some food and supplies into his backpack, and was about to set off when he thought of Kate.

He didn't know when he'd return, if at all, and still felt guilty about their last conversation. He slowly and quietly walked over to the bedroom in which she was sleeping, and she looked as peaceful and as beautiful as ever.

He walked over to her bed, and kissed her on the forehead for what could be the last time. He exited the room the same way he entered and stopped at the doorway for one final glance.

"I love you, Kate." He whispered, _and if I don't come back, I hope Sawyer takes good care of you._

__________________________________________________________________________

Kate stood in silence and watched him walk towards the door, twist the handle and turn back towards her.

"I uhh, need some time alone…to think. I'm uhh, sorry I accused you of that. I was wrong." Jack stuttered, before passing through the door outside.

Kate wasn't sure, but it was possible that some of the things she'd said before had sunk in. She hadn't heard what he'd said to himself, but it sounded like he had something he needed to do. The old Jack, _her _Jack, was coming back.

After getting lost in her thoughts, she decided to get some rest. She wanted to talk to Jack, to explain things, to attempt to reconcile, but there was no telling when he'd back.

After getting a few fitful hours of sleep, she was softly awoken by the soft steps of Jack leaving her room. She heard him say something quietly, but couldn't quite make it out.

She slowly got up out of bed, and threw some jeans on. As she reached the living room, she looked out of the window. Jack was there, walking into the darkness, with nothing but a backpack that was presumably full of supplies.

Following her instincts, she followed him.

__________________________________________________________________________

Jack had left the camp itself almost twenty minutes ago, and he was at the edge of the jungle now.

Kate didn't know it, but he'd noticed her following him. Half of him wanted to stop and talk to her, but the other half knew it would be to hard.

He didn't know what he'd say, or what she'd say, and he wasn't sure if he wanted to find out.

Jack stopped momentarily to grab water from his pack, when he heard a twig crack. It was relatively loud, so she must have been gaining on him.

"Kate, you can stop hiding now." He said softly, giving in to his weaker half.

Kate emerged from the shadows less than ten yards behind him. "Sorry, I uhh, saw you leave an didn't know what you were doing." She said.

"I was leaving." Jack replied bluntly.

"What? Why?" Kate replied, hurt.

"I'm not sure why I had to come back to this island yet, but I know why I didn't. I didn't come back to play backup guy to Sawyer, that's for sure, and I didn't come back to be toyed with emotionally." He replied, a single tear falling down his cheek. "Obviously, I'm not needed here anymore."

Kate was speechless. She opened her mouth to respond, but no words came.

"I love you, Kate. I always have. But I can't do this anymore. Every time I hear his name, or see him, I get that jealous feeling inside, and seeing you two today just confirmed it for me. I'm just sorry I couldn't do anything to make you feel differently." He began to explain.

Kate remained silent.

"You've been so distant with me Kate since we got back, and at first I figured it was just shock. I guess that was pretty stupid of me, huh?." He finished trying to joke to himself, but it was hurting him as well.

"Please don't go, Jack." Kate pleaded.

"I have to, Kate. This is something I have to do. Tell Sawyer that I asked him to take care of you, I'm sure he won't mind." Jack said, with a sad smile on his face.

"Please, Jack…" Kate tried again in vain.

"I'm sorry, Kate. I need to find out what this damn island wants from me. I can't sit around and wait anymore. You were right. The new me sucks." Jack admitted.

_You were right._ _The new me sucks._ She never thought she'd want to hear those words less than she did now. Her attempts to understand this new Jack had driven him farther away from her, and now there was nothing she could do.

"Where are you going?" Kate asked.

"To the temple for starters. But from there, I don't know. I could be gone a long time, I might not ever make it back here." Jack said, preparing himself to leave.

Kate couldn't let him go again, it had happened when these visions had started appearing to him when they were engaged, and she'd made the mistake of not helping him them. A mistake she wouldn't make again.

Kate moved toward him, and grabbed his arm in an attempt to stop him.

"Jack, you can't…. please…" She pleaded continually.

Jack didn't move him arm, but he didn't give in to her pleas either, "I'm sorry Kate, I really am. But when you told me earlier that you like the 'me' that wanted to fix things, well here he is. I have to do this." He explained solemnly.

Kate let a few tears fall down her cheeks. The realization that she had caused this behavior in Jack hit hard.

She slowly removed her hands from Jack's arm, and fell to the ground, weeping.

Jack's heart almost jumped out for her when he saw this, but he knew what he had to do. He just hoped he'd get to see Kate one more time.

He knelt down with her, resting his hands on the small of her back, pulling her into an embrace. He stayed there for a few moments, before whispering, "Please don't forget about me. I love you.", and rising to leave.

She wanted to say it back, because she felt the same way. But she couldn't speak. The Jack she had originally wanted back was here, and it was the worst moment of her life. The old, stubborn, determined Jack was back, and nothing, not even her, could stop him from reaching his goal.

As she watched him walk into the darkness of the jungle, she wept more than she had in years.

She recalled the moments that had lead up to this, and how wrong they seemed now.

She was talking to Cassidy about Aaron, the day she realized she'd have to give him up. "You needed him. Sawyer broke your heart." She'd said, and Kate hadn't bothered to correct her.

She had loved Sawyer, but her love for Jack was unreal, it was another level completely. The best few months of her life were those she spent with Jack, and in a few short moments with Cassidy, she'd allowed herself to be convinced otherwise.

Then there was her conversation with Sawyer in the jungle. "Cassidy had an interesting theory about why you jumped off the chopper. She said you were worried about what would happen if you didn't." She'd told him.

Sawyer had gone on to tell her how they wouldn't have worked out, but he was wrong. It didn't matter what Sawyer thought, because on that chopper, Kate had eyes for one man only.

If she really wanted to work things out with him, she would have jumped in with him.

But she didn't.

Kate wanted to tell him he was scared to go back to Cassidy and his daughter, not her, but no, again she'd remained silent, allowing herself to be convinced otherwise.

Oh, if she could relive those moments. Anything to stop this.

The man she cared for more than anything else in the world, the man that had stopped her from running, was leaving.

And what hurt the most was she'd never get the chance to tell him.

Jack was right. She didn't _like _the old Jack. She _loved_ him.

**A/N: so there it is. its a oneshot for now, but after I'm done with _Tabula Rasa_, I may continue. please review, and let me know what you think. should i continue? do you like it as a one shot? please tell me what you think.**


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